I have been off the radar for several months because I have been working to put the pieces of my life back together. I went back to work early February and have been going full steam ahead ever since. In addition to going back to my 9 - 5 I was blessed to be asked to serve as the acting pastor of a church on the west side of Chicago. I started that assignment in February as well so my hands, as well as my plate, have been full.
Bitter Sweet
My return to work was a bitter sweet moment for me. I was not mentally ready to go back and still had procedures that needed to be performed. But if you have ever had to take an unpaid leave of absence you know that it can be a biting and challenging experience for you and your family. The payments to keep my insurance active were almost double my mortgage! It was putting too much financial strain on my family so I returned to work. I was healing extremely well physically but mentally I could have used a little more time off. I was not fully present or prepared to handle some of the stressors brought on by my job. I would show up physically but I was not focused on the task at hand. Thank God for supportive employers. Over time things improved and I thank God that it took only a few weeks before I began to operate at roughly 80%. God was awesome and blessed me to get through it.
New Day
Well today is a new day for me. In the four months since my last post today is the first day I am able to relax, and breathe. I am not going to work today. I am not doing too much of anything other than taking care of me. I was blessed to complete my doctoral program earlier this year and participated in the commencement service this past Saturday. I am officially the Reverend Dr. Tasha Monique Vinson Brown. How nice. The outgoing president of McCormick Theological Seminary, the Rev. Dr. Cynthia Campbell, was our commencement speaker and shared a profound message on visioning. She encouraged us to catch the vision God has for our lives. And I know for me, in order to do that, I have to relax, and breathe. I am doing just that today.
External Pressures
It never fails that whenever there is a transition people instinctively ask, "what are you going to do now?" I blame a lot of this on Disney World. Remember how a reporter would stick a microphone in the face of a popular athlete after they had just won a championship? The first thing they would ask is, "So what are you going to do now?" And the answer would be...."I'm going to Disney World!" Couldn't the athlete just relax and breathe? My goodness. I would think the first thing they would want to do would be to shower, get dressed, hug the family, celebrate, RELAX...I don't know. As much as I know that it is just a marketing campaign it reveals the fact that people ALWAYS have an expectation that you would know exactly what you are going to do and would proceed to do it right away. But that does not have to be your story. Sometimes you have to just relax,and breathe. You have to stop. Even when people are forcing you to continue on. You have to stop for you. And when you stop, you have to breathe. Take in the moment. Take in the experience. Take in the accomplishment. This is coming from a person who instinctively moves from one thing to the next without a thought. I am ashamed to say but even over the past few weeks I have had a difficult time living in the moment. The week before commencement the seminary had a special celebration for the minority students. I was present in the moment for half of the service but the remaining half I was thinking about the meeting I had to attend for the denomination the next day at 8 in the morning and how I was going to take care of everything I needed to take care of with the limited time I had. I also began to think about the sermon I needed to preach for that Sunday. And wouldn't you know that even for commencement I was present 80% of the time but the remaining time was spent thinking about the weather and the little reception I was having at the house that evening. We live in a time where multi-tasking has become the order of the day but today I stop and say, NO! No more multi-tasking, no more running from here to there. No more (no mas!) Today, I am going to relax, and breathe. I am going to fight against the external pressures to use my time doing something else and I am going to relax, and breathe. I am going to breathe in the joy of being in the service of the Lord and breathe out all the negativity I have soaked in over the past few years. I am going to be kind to myself. I am going to "give myself permission" to relax. I deserve it. I want to encourage you in this; many people have their ideas, expectations, and opinions of you. Do not let other people's stuff become the measuring stick or beat of the drum by which you live your life. The world will not give you your moment to relax and breathe. You have to take it. No one is going to give you a vacation. You have to take it. When the time is right, take a moment to relax, and breathe. Stop moving so much, too soon, and too fast. Slow down, relax and breathe. Let all the beauty and treasures of God's Word and God's plan for you rise to the surface as you get quiet. So my brothers and my sisters, take a moment to take care of yourself and relax, and breathe. I'm doing it. Stop making excuses for why you can't do it and just do it. You owe it to yourself. Even if you cannot give yourself a full day or even a full week, that's ok. Fifteen minutes would do the trick. Whatever you can do, do it. So go ahead, relax and breathe. You'll be glad you did.
Until next time,
T-
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